It’s an ever-growing necessity in today’s economy that we remain conscious of our spending. Around the holidays there is much self-induced and social pressure to get the most extravagant and indulgent presents for those on our gift lists. Messages from advertisers encourage us to indulge, spoil and surprise someone with something they’ve always wanted or cannot afford themselves. The emotional messages we’ve internalized about gift giving combined with the ones we receive through social media and our families’ traditions create a template of significance and expectation. This is before we even reach for the “purchase” or “pay” options.
One way to approach this challenge is to reconsider what giving and generosity actually mean. We can ask this of ourselves first and foremost because our motivation and understanding of gift giving is subjective even if influenced by messages we’ve internalized from others and our culture.
The challenge of quieting our minds and going within for answers can be difficult at first. The truth is we actually know exactly what we believe about almost anything. We have the ability to inquire about our deepest truths simply by listening to our internal messages.
How do we hear these messages? As with any question it helps to articulate it. Ask yourself- What do I want to give? What can I afford to give ( both financially and emotionally ) ? What would be meaningful to my recipient?
It may help to consider the value of spending time with someone. Interestingly given our reliance on the internet as the means of connection spending time in someone’s actual presence and being present ( two related and nuanced experiences ) has become a fading art. A degree of connection does exist in phone calls and virtual family meetings however when the opportunity exists to be in the same physical space with someone all of our senses and perceptions, and heartfelt attunement participate in the experience. A hug with someone we love helps synchronize heart rhythms as do shared experiences, especially safe and bonding ones. The simplicity of enjoying a cup of tea and listening to music, viewing the landscape from a patio, walking along a nature trail or beach are all examples of sharing presence with a companion and all nourish us in ways we can feel. Paying attention to the way we feel when enjoying someone’s company and relishing calming pleasurable sensory feedback offers so much that benefits our physiological and relationship health.
When we look back at our warmest memories aren’t most of them about who we spent time with and felt loved by? I personally cannot recall a heartfelt connection to unwrapping a gift, or being awed by its extravagance. What I do remember is how someone showed their love and thoughtfulness, or paid close attention to something important to me and responded with attunement.
I wish all of you the joys of companionship and connection, immersion in simple and fulfilling moments, and holidays filled with love and light.
